10 Days Until 50!

So 2013 arrived, January is over and here I am in the 2^nd week of February completely calm and even excited for the big day to arrive.  With each day that passes, I find myself smiling and focused.  I’m productive and thoughtful about my life.  I can see not only what I want, but how to get it. 

This past year has been an amazing journey and at some points, I feared this birthday.  I panicked and wondered, “Shouldn’t I be (fill in the blank)?”  Or “I would be happier if (fill in the blank).”  The truth for me today is that I am okay with exactly where I am – in love with my husband, true love for my children, appreciation for my family, and deep gratitude for the opportunity to work with courageous colleagues who share a commitment and passion for the Jewish community.  But there is more, I also found joy in writing, meditating, learning, and trying very hard to make the most out of each moment.

On Glee tonight, Blaine sings Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now.” 

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!
I'm floating around in ecstasy
So don't stop me now don't stop me
'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies

Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go go go
There's no stopping me

There is more, but you get the point.  No coincidences, this is my theme song for the day, maybe the year.  I am looking forward to the day and the celebrations with my family and friends.  

Happy Birthday to me! 

The Weekend Turns Around...

With 15 days until the big 50, I was disconnected, sick, and not myself.

Before meditation began, I had a heavy heart.  I was burdened by ill health and wanted to feel better.  I was preoccupied with how I should celebrate my birthday, if I even wanted to celebrate and what “not celebrating” would mean.  Friends have great ideas of how they would celebrate and offer suggestions for me, but nothing feels right.  Also, by not making a decision, I felt as though I was letting others down.

With a couple days of sick time earlier in the week, antibiotics and a Shabbat that brought a rejuvenating meditation, I became myself again this weekend.  I have no fear of 50, am feeling healthy and am fully aware of being surrounded by love.  I made some decisions which feel good, my daughter and I worked on her science project, we took a walk and then my family all had dinner together. 

And now late Sunday night, I am at peace, full of love for my family and full of hope for all the 50 will bring. 

 

 

Feb 1 - My birthday month begins

February 1 - In 17 days I will be 49. When I look in the mirror, I try to see if that is what I thought 49 would look like. Externally, I obviously look different than when I was younger, and internally, I am constantly reviewing a list of moments in time that now feel different. Am I so old that the feelings from the memories simply fade? I look back at my childhood and young adult life and try to remember what I felt at the party, why I let him speak to me that way, or how I thought I was wrong about her.

What I do feel is a new strength, power, desire to do something big. What that something is - I am not sure, but in the past few weeks, I have been meditating, studying torah text, and learning tennis again. The meditation and torah text go hand in hand and I am loving it. It feels good to observe Shabbat in this way. The tennis gives me a great reason to smack a ball and release some of the week's frustrations. I didn't realize when I started both at the same time, what a wonderful complement these two activities were to each other. Both are helping to give me greater clarity as I embark on this journey to 50!

Thanks for listening. Tune in tomorrow.