Living in the Majority of Happiness

Finally I put my finger on it. In moments when I was in “neutral,” as when riding the subway, I was the same familiar Gretchen. The difference was that, although my nature was unchanged, I had more happiness in my life each day; my resolutions had added more sources of fun, engagement, and satisfaction and had also eliminated some significant sources of bad feelings, such as guilt and anger. Through my actions, I was successfully pushing myself to the high end of my inborn happiness range.  (Rubin, Gretchen (2009-12-16). The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun (p. 111). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.)

My motivation for buying this book was simply the title.  I had just completed my year of turning 50 and had learned a lot through my writing, meditation and study. What drew me to Gretchen's book is that while I did/do feel better, I wondered what it meant to be happier.  The book is divided by the months and in each month, Gretchen chooses issues in her life that she wants to address and by doing so, she believes she will be happier.  Having gotten to May, I know she is right on her way to a happier and fulfilling life.  In addition, her awareness to making others happy has grown.

What I find so moving about this quote from the book is how much I related to falling into the "same familiar Lori" when I am frustrated or when I become unfocused.  While on our mini-vacation this weekend, my family and I enjoyed 4 days away from home and I was so happy to have nothing to do, no worries about appointments or schedules and all I had to worry about was to make sure that we had enough sunscreen and books to read.  I read for 3 days straight, had beautiful and memorable conversations with my kids and my husband, and it was clear (again) that even 4 days away from our house allows us to reconnect and unwind.

And still in my joy of the few days, there are the tiniest voices that rise when I am not concentrating.  Comparing myself to others does not happen with the same frequency thanks to my own journey to happiness.  However, as I sat at the pool, I couldn't help but have those thoughts take over.  So hideous is my own negative voice, I won't even write it here.

When we arrived home today, my husband and I talked about it.  He is my best friend and I can share my most vulnerable thoughts with him.  We talked about how many things we do right, how together we run a household and raise two kids, and though we see things differently, we manage to still hold hands and laugh.

I may still have moments of insecurity and frustration, but who doesn't?  My life now is to focus on finding solutions and being productive.  Sometimes it is difficult, time-consuming and exhausting, but more than that my life is filled with accomplishment, gratitude, and love.  If it was a pie chart or percentage, the good in my life is way above 51%.  It wasn't/isn't always, but I am more confident now that ever that as I continue to learn from great writers and thinkers, I will live in the majority of happiness.

Problems + Solutions = Life

My mind is completely scrambled right now... ever feel that way?  I have issues weighing on my mind that I am unable to resolve for a variety of reasons - mainly because they involve others to help settle the situations.

While I try to be strong and confident in my decision making, today was one of those days that at every turn a decision could not be made.  I consider myself a problem solver and not just the kind that solves your problems, I really like to solve my problems - big or small.  I don't like to hang onto problems for too long because I can feel them taking a toll on my body.

Today I have a list of things that I am worried about, sad about, confused about, mad about and wondering how am I going to do it all.  I'm sure that after writing this post and getting a good night sleep, I will feel better tomorrow.  Oh and I will solve some of the minor issues so that I can  feel a sense of accomplishment (which is very important to me - see an earlier post).

Even now, as I write this post on my new laptop that I bought for my birthday and I am planning to organize my life in a new way.  That is a goal of mine for the next 10 years - to get organized in a way that includes a regular routine, a clean home, to give away all in my home that we do not even touch and continue meditation, write, be with my friends and still go on dates with my husband.

One of the books on my nightstand is "The Happiness Project," by Gretchen Rubin.  Honestly, I bought the book on title alone.  And then, as I read more and more, Gretchen Rubin's life became a study for me of how I can enhance my own life.  She is an excellent writer and her methods for bringing happiness in my life are simple.  Simple is good.  One task at a time and hold yourself accountable - this I can do.

Another book I just read that made an impact is "Devotion," by Dani Shapiro.  Dani writes how she had this feeling of being pushed in a certain direction and that is exactly how I feel.  I used to worry where I was going and I would panic if I didn't have the map.  Devotion made me realize that I am not alone in this world.  Which is why as I finish this post, I can breathe now because all these things that are thrown at me by the people around me, the universe or G-d, I can handle even if I have to shed a few tears.

Wishing everyone a better tomorrow,

Lori