In my deepest prayers for the Rosh Hashanah and with meditation, a small inner voice told me to get out. At first, it quietly asked me to get out of bed. Easy enough. It was the day we celebrated Tashlikh with our synagogue, so we were planning to go to the beach with cast away our sins.
Except, not so easy enough because my family was still in bed and I had to make an effort to get them out of bed on a Sunday morning before 9:30am (we are the family that is not out of the house before 12noon). We like to sleep in.
But not that day, "Get out," I heard again. Now I realized, I need to get out of the house. I had been thinking that our family needed some new outdoor adventures. Over the past six months, I felt I was spending a lot of time at home and following my vacation earlier this year, I wanted to make an effort to visit the city in which we live. So far, not so much.
We arrive at the beach and immediately, I am so happy. We are greeted by friends and community members and I am struck by the peaceful and joyous energy that emanates from the group. How did I not see it before. This wasn't my first Tashlikh with TBA, but the weather was good, the people were happy and we sang and prayed - pretty much the perfect storm to express the beauty in religion.
But there was one more thought that stuck in my head. The words "Get out" were now loud. I had gotten out of bed, gotten out of my house and now I was challenging myself one more time. And then it hit me. This time when the words came I heard, "Get out of your own way." I have been thinking about my goals for the new year and there were a couple that gave me some anxiety. "Get out of your own way." The words could not have been clearer. I've been repeating this statement as a mantra ever since.
And as promised, gifts follow the mantra. I went to pick up my daughter today from school and got there early. While waiting for her, the Rabbi simply asks for my help. "All we have to do is roll the Torah." Seems easy enough. I do have a very tiny voice saying, "What the hell is he talking about." Yes, I can help roll a Torah. While we were rolling, we talked, he showed me some words and portions. He asked me some questions, I got some right. He asked me to read a line, I said out loud, "I can't." But he ignored me and told me to read it. In my mind, I'm still saying, "I can't." And then, I read it. I read from the Torah. I READ FROM THE TORAH. All because I got out of my own way. I'm sticking with this mantra as my #1 resolution for the year.