I'm Starving, but not for Food

Nine months ago I embarked on what I hope is the last attempt to manage my weight.  Feeling like I had come to a place of deep despair, I signed up with Jenny Craig in West Hollywood and over the course of the last few months have lost almost just over 25 lbs.  I have considered writing about it before but I always stopped for a variety of reasons.  Today I decided to write when I used words like "starving," "drink in," and "a thirst" when describing my desire for learning and spiritual meditation.  I realized the power of these words in their new form and that as I said them they did not evoke any need to eat.

Struggling with my weight has always been an issue for me even when I was thin.  Today, even though I am not yet at my goal, I do feel better and am so proud of what I accomplished.

And here is my big "aha" moment:  Over the past 3 weeks, my plate has been full of good, sad, happy,  scary, overly chaotic and way more personalities thrown into the mix than needed.  In all that chaos, my old habits of reaching for the sweet or salty thinking that will help have been broken.  Old habits have been broken - say it loud and proud!  Now when I feel bad, I clean, pick up my book (currently reading "Gone With the Wind) or write a post for my blog.

Now it gives me great joy to say the following:

• I'm starving for some prayer and learning
• I can't quench my thirst for reading
• This book is so great, I'm drinking it all in. 

This is likely be the only post I write about my weight as it is extremely personal, but it has been on my mind and wanted to share my new taste of freedom.  See I used the word taste.  And this one is truly delicious.  A special thanks to Christy at Jenny Craig for her guidance and kindness through this entire process.  My memory of that first meeting at the Jenny Craig office is one filled with great sadness.  I knew that I was sad, but my memory is even shrouded in darkness.  I'm not sure when the dark cloud lifted but through this process, I have been able to let go of the burden that comes with all the worry about weight, food, how much, how little, should I or shouldn't I.  To be free of all this is truly an achievement and I am truly grateful for my new better self.

And I could not have done it without the practice of meditation.  Meditation allowed and forced me to seek the truth and to live in it.  I'm not perfect, but I could not ignore what I am physically and spiritually able to fix.  Slowly, but surely.

Shabbat Shalom, may you find what it is that brings you freedom and if you need help, ask.