As the new year begins, I listen to all the sermons, teachings, thoughts from friends in New Year wishes, comforting words in quiet conversations in the hallways, and my own inner voice as I am guided in meditation. The transition of the new year allows me an opportunity for transformation. But to what?
This year brings a new professional challenge. Excitement and ambition drive my creative energy daily and I am approaching this new role with hope, enthusiasm and thoughtful planning. With this new position, I have received incredible support and love from family, friends, and colleagues. This transition is clear to me.
Sitting in shul these past few days reminds me of how much I want to continue my Jewish Education. Before the holiday, I took a Hebrew class to help me read a little better and therefore, I was able to follow along much better and feel connected to the service. Still not enough. I used much of the time trying to meditate and immerse myself in my own prayer both in English and Hebrew (when I knew it). I felt vulnerable, open and emotional. Following the services, the days were filled with family and friends.
But I didn't feel back at home until I walked into Shabbat Service on Friday night and then again on Saturday morning. I know I should be trying to dig deeper and feel enlightened during the high holidays, but those feelings have come in the rituals of my expanding Shabbat experiences this past year. High Holiday services evokes anxiety of expectation: What I should be doing at the service? Am i doing it right? Am I listening and am I getting the message?
This morning, I am back to myself. Meditation and Shabbat service felt like a recalibration. I'm renewed. Perhaps it was the 3 days in total and it is all connected, but when I walked into shul on Friday and then again on Saturday, my confidence was back and sense of belonging was at its peak.
When I came out of the fog, I made this decision - no more "to do" lists. From now on, I'm focusing on an "I did" list. Celebrate my accomplishments, focus on my successes, baby steps to giant leaps. This is how I will take an active part in my transformation - reflect on results and enjoy the experiences as they come.
5775 - I'm going to be busy, joyfully busy and I am looking forward to every sermon, teaching, guidance, friendship and connection that will help me grow.