February 1 - In 17 days I will be 49. When I look in the mirror, I try to see if that is what I thought 49 would look like. Externally, I obviously look different than when I was younger, and internally, I am constantly reviewing a list of moments in time that now feel different. Am I so old that the feelings from the memories simply fade? I look back at my childhood and young adult life and try to remember what I felt at the party, why I let him speak to me that way, or how I thought I was wrong about her.
What I do feel is a new strength, power, desire to do something big. What that something is - I am not sure, but in the past few weeks, I have been meditating, studying torah text, and learning tennis again. The meditation and torah text go hand in hand and I am loving it. It feels good to observe Shabbat in this way. The tennis gives me a great reason to smack a ball and release some of the week's frustrations. I didn't realize when I started both at the same time, what a wonderful complement these two activities were to each other. Both are helping to give me greater clarity as I embark on this journey to 50!
Thanks for listening. Tune in tomorrow.