There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since. My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability. From Chapter 1, Bill's story. Alcoholics Anonymous: the "Big Book" (The key text of Alcoholics Anonymous) (Kindle Locations 359-364). ignacio hills press (TM) IgnacioHillsPress.com and e-Pulp Adventures (TM). Kindle Edition.
After my dad died, I read the Big Book. As Dani Shapiro described in her book, "Devotion," I felt pushed to it. I was drawn to the stories of those who had experienced such despair and worked their way back to live a happy, joyful, and productive life.
As I read every page, I was momentarily removed from my sadness and walked through the pain of another. By doing this, it helped me get through my own painful months.
That was almost 3 years ago. Today, I still refer to the principles of the Big Book. With meditation and prayer, I try to minimize my resentments, frustrations and insecurities. I am not a addict, nor do I consider myself "normal." Like everyone, I have anxiety and stress that cause me to be short-tempered, irritable and sad. The Big Book, along with other spiritual guides, remind me to be in service to others, forgive myself, love myself and be grateful for all the gifts in my life which are many.
As we move into Passover, it is these modern day enslavements that I will look to free myself. For each day of Passover, I will select one emotional enslavement to write about in hope that by acknowledging it publicly, I will be free.
Shabbat Shalom and may you find peace and comfort from your community or even a good book.