My mind is completely scrambled right now... ever feel that way? I have issues weighing on my mind that I am unable to resolve for a variety of reasons - mainly because they involve others to help settle the situations.
While I try to be strong and confident in my decision making, today was one of those days that at every turn a decision could not be made. I consider myself a problem solver and not just the kind that solves your problems, I really like to solve my problems - big or small. I don't like to hang onto problems for too long because I can feel them taking a toll on my body.
Today I have a list of things that I am worried about, sad about, confused about, mad about and wondering how am I going to do it all. I'm sure that after writing this post and getting a good night sleep, I will feel better tomorrow. Oh and I will solve some of the minor issues so that I can feel a sense of accomplishment (which is very important to me - see an earlier post).
Even now, as I write this post on my new laptop that I bought for my birthday and I am planning to organize my life in a new way. That is a goal of mine for the next 10 years - to get organized in a way that includes a regular routine, a clean home, to give away all in my home that we do not even touch and continue meditation, write, be with my friends and still go on dates with my husband.
One of the books on my nightstand is "The Happiness Project," by Gretchen Rubin. Honestly, I bought the book on title alone. And then, as I read more and more, Gretchen Rubin's life became a study for me of how I can enhance my own life. She is an excellent writer and her methods for bringing happiness in my life are simple. Simple is good. One task at a time and hold yourself accountable - this I can do.
Another book I just read that made an impact is "Devotion," by Dani Shapiro. Dani writes how she had this feeling of being pushed in a certain direction and that is exactly how I feel. I used to worry where I was going and I would panic if I didn't have the map. Devotion made me realize that I am not alone in this world. Which is why as I finish this post, I can breathe now because all these things that are thrown at me by the people around me, the universe or G-d, I can handle even if I have to shed a few tears.
Wishing everyone a better tomorrow,