You wake up and you are here. Years ago, I thought, "What would it be like when I grow up?" And with some excitement, I always looked forward to being older. In the past week, good and bad, I have felt my age. Good meetings, frustrating conversations, great events, strong partnerships, moments of weakness, quality talks, heartfelt hugs and the ugly cry. I'm 50 and during this roller coaster ride this week, I didn't have to try to be 50, I woke up and it just happened.
How did I notice? Just now, I was thinking about the week and thought that in every crazy, up and down moment and experience, I was still breathing and able to focus. Life is a mixed bag, we are all mixed bags, and sometimes navigating life is confusing. But it doesn't have to suck you in all the time. What I noticed this week is that I held my breath, my joy, and my sadness in for as long as I can and then just collapsed. Sometimes, I am sad and I file it away because it is not a convenient time. But then I do feel it, all of it and probably more, coursing through my body, and I recalibrate.
I want to be a grown up. I want to face all of the good, the bad and the inconvenient. In 4 days, I will be 51 and there is no fear, no anxiety and frankly, very little excitement. Again, for me, this is neither good nor bad, it simply just is. I will apply the fear, the anxiety and the excitement to all the experiences in my life.
Happy Birthday to Me!!