Longing for Connection

With Passover just days away and as my friends are furiously preparing their kitchens for the sacred ritual of cleansing their homes, I did a little spring cleaning of my own.  While I don't clean out my kitchen and adhere to the traditional rituals, I want to participate in some way to signify the holiday and do some good.

Giving away clothes is how the holiday manifests in my house.  I began with my drawers first, then my daughter's and next will be my son's.  There is great relief in giving away clothes.  Purging and cleansing offers satisfaction inwardly and outwardly.  Knowing that others will benefit from our give-aways is reward itself, but there is a quiet relief that I am experiencing as I remove the old clothes from our home.

This experience reminds me how lucky and grateful I am to have more than enough.   As my kids grow out of their clothes and I shift my favorites, it is the work of moving the clothes from our closet to the bags with my kids helping that makes the effort even more rewarding.  

But what happens when you want a spiritual and internal cleanse?  Without tangible evidence, how does this journey become real or complete?  How do we renew our faith, passion and commitment?

In our meditation class today, we discussed the importance of rituals and how some enhance the spiritual experience.  Two years ago, I was searching to feel more whole. My dad had passed away, there were some professional transitions, and I felt pulled towards my synagogue but couldn't connect to those who were more observant than me.  I am naturally optimistic, people would describe me as upbeat and I live in gratitude.  But during that time, I was feeling angry, sad, hurt and I imagine a bit lost.  

And then one day it happened.  I felt what others talked about and what I saw it their eyes - spiritual renewal.  My family had participated in our synagogue's family weekend in previous years and I had felt the pull before, but in the winter of 2011, I felt a new and more powerful connection. 

During that retreat, I attended a special service for morning prayers.  In the early morning of Shabbat, the Rabbi and the Cantor led us in beautiful meditative prayers that I had never experienced before.  In that service, I was renewed, grateful and I found something different that connected me to prayer. Whatever anger, sadness or confusion I was holding onto had been released...physically.  My clenched fists were now open palms, my mind was racing with new creative energy and my smile was sincere.  My heart was full and the entire weekend was magical.  

As soon I returned home, I shared my experience with will all that would listen.  After speaking to a friend with whom I had recently reconnected, she invited me to a meditation class at my synagogue...MY SYNAGOGUE!  An invitation from her to join her proved to be the place I had longed for and needed in my life.  Now fourteen months later, that meditation class is my ritual.  I am deeply committed to this class, this friendship and prayer circle with women (some men attend) that feeds my mind and my soul. 

Rituals are good.  Spirituality elevates our rituals and/or rituals bring us to spirituality.  Either way, as in those morning prayers, I am grateful for the awakening and the breath of G-d.

Accomplishment – Big or Small Makes a Difference

In my search for happiness, peace, contentment, joy, or (fill in the blank), the one word that I keep coming back to is “accomplishment.”  There is no greater feeling than when I have accomplished a task.  It is what drives me to do better, work harder, and frankly, be happier.  Even writing this post, I will feel better, have some joy and happiness when it is completed.

As I reflect on how I have improved my work habits over the past 20 years, it is clear that the reason I love the “to do” list is so that I can cross things off the list.  Isn’t that the whole purpose of a “to do” list?  With a recent change in my job description and the New Year, I had an opportunity to upgrade my personal work system.  I realized that this improved system allows me to see my accomplishments whether it is a small task or a big project.  And yes, this makes me happier at work.

At home, things have changed quite a bit.  In the past 2 weeks, our family lost our nanny of 12 years.  In all these years, I have said that she took great care of my kids and even better care of me.  In these last 2 weeks, I realize how spoiled I was and how grateful I am that I had someone taking care of our house as well as our children.  My husband and I have been working together to maintain some sanity as we begin our search for a new housekeeper.  What I know keeps me sane is to do at least 2 things in my home every day – make the beds and clean the kitchen.  If I can accomplish these things, I feel better, not necessarily happier since we have the rest of the house to worry about, but at least I have a small sense of accomplishment.

Reading is also something that gives me great satisfaction.  In the past couple of years, I have made an effort to select books that I want to read.  I’m not reading books just because they are on the top 10 list or on some celebrity’s reading list, instead I have roamed aisles or surfed the internet looking for books that inspire me.  It is true that I take recommendations from friends and colleagues that I respect and in doing so, I have learned so much.  I have also chosen books that in either fiction or non-fiction have a message of empowerment, strength, and spirituality.

And lastly, cooking has given me an almost therapeutic sense of accomplishment.  I have thought this now for many years.  The rhythmic cutting and preparing of ingredients has taught me to focus on one thing at a time, the measurement of ingredients has taught me to follow instructions and with every cooking class I take, I am willing to take new risks in the kitchen so that I actually feel as though I was taught to cook rather than simply mimicking my teachers’ recipes.

Think about how you measure your accomplishments – big and small.  Even the smallest accomplishment can make a difference in your mood and can inspire others to do the same. 

And if you are wondering, I feel happy that I wrote this post and I feel a great sense of accomplishment.  Hope you have enjoyed it.