February 5 - I am struggling to write today. I should be inspired because I just watched Tom Shadyac's documentary "I AM" on Oprah's OWN Super Soul Sunday. I should be able to write pages about searching for the deeper meaning in my life, how his film that included timeless footage of extraordinary acts of human courage moved me to do something different, or how those he interviewed who are brilliant and thoughtful brought me to tears because it only reminded me of my want to connect.
Instead, I am weighing ever word I write.
Why? Because in a matter of 3 seconds, I fell right back into the pressure of "will they like what I write?" Or worse, "they won't like this or how I say that." In 3 seconds, I forgot that this was my journey and these blogs are for me.
How did this happen? After the movie, I went to the computer to begin writing my thoughts. But, right before I was going to click "new post," I saw this other word - Stats. I clicked on this to show me the amount of viewers to my blog. Big mistake - what number would make me feel okay? I have never done this before, so why should I care who is reading my blog. Like the scale, we put so much weight on the number. Our society has determined that phrases and words like "how much," "did you lose" "did you gain" "did you save" have more importance than "do you care" "do you love" "are you loved" and "what moves you."
This is my reminder that I am writing for me. If anyone reads this or not, this is already one of my favorite blogs. I just reread it and I love it.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Jewish Meditation - I'm in the right place at the right time
February 4 - I started my day with Meditation Plus which is a beautiful combination of Jewish Meditation and text study. There are about 12 of us (all but one were women) today. We are led by Rabbi Ruth Sohn, a thoughtful teacher who guides us to share our personal stories as they relate to the meditation and weekly text. I am new at this so I am both excited and anxious when I arrive in class because sitting still for 30 minutes sounds like a big deal and yet, somehow it is exactly what I what I need right now in my life. Following the meditation, we study a piece of this week's Torah portion. In the hour, I am touched by the honesty and sincerity of everyone's comments and their willingness to share in the group. In addition, I find myself deeply moved by studying ancient text which is applicable to our life right now. The search for deeper and thoughtful learning has begun. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, two amazing kids and family and friends who enrich my life. I want more. I want to learn more and give more. I am excited about this journey because I am not alone.
Thanks for listening and stay tuned.
Thanks for listening and stay tuned.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Sadness - it's okay
February 3 - In thinking more about my post yesterday, I realized that one of the most annoying aspects of these self-help reality talk shows is that I'm sick of the hosts telling me to fix something, do more, be better, and be happy. Perhaps as a society, the reason for so many depression and anxiety medication commercials is because we are constantly being told that we should be happier and more grateful. By the way, I truly support medication for anxiety and depression, so do not take this in any way as a suggestion for you to stop your medication. And if you know anything about me, I'm pretty much not just a "see the cup half full" woman, I often see it bubbling over. These are pretty much my daily responses - "Life is good," "everything is great," "I'm happy," and at the very least, "I'm fine."
I suggest that we find ways to cope with sadness and teach our kids to be sad. In developing these coping skills, our kids will be healthier adults who can move in the world with less anxiety. I have learned that being sad is okay. Sad things happen, life is not fair, and sometimes people disappoint you. And it isn't until you walk through it and come out stronger that you realize how important it is to understand the sadness. Without exploring this, it is then that one becomes angry, depressed, anxious. When my father passed away a little over 2 years ago, I couldn't comprehend how huge the loss would be. The months following his death, I was numb, the word SAD seemed liked a joke. 3 little letters to describe how I was feeling, I don't think so. Confusion is more like it. And now 2 years later, with the Giants playing in the Superbowl on Sunday, I can smile knowing that my dad is somewhere with his old friends and will be enjoying the game. And there are other times when I will experience a moment of discomfort and sadness, like when my kids do something really cool and I think, "I wish my dad was here."
Thanks for listening and stay tuned. Shabbat Shalom,
I suggest that we find ways to cope with sadness and teach our kids to be sad. In developing these coping skills, our kids will be healthier adults who can move in the world with less anxiety. I have learned that being sad is okay. Sad things happen, life is not fair, and sometimes people disappoint you. And it isn't until you walk through it and come out stronger that you realize how important it is to understand the sadness. Without exploring this, it is then that one becomes angry, depressed, anxious. When my father passed away a little over 2 years ago, I couldn't comprehend how huge the loss would be. The months following his death, I was numb, the word SAD seemed liked a joke. 3 little letters to describe how I was feeling, I don't think so. Confusion is more like it. And now 2 years later, with the Giants playing in the Superbowl on Sunday, I can smile knowing that my dad is somewhere with his old friends and will be enjoying the game. And there are other times when I will experience a moment of discomfort and sadness, like when my kids do something really cool and I think, "I wish my dad was here."
Thanks for listening and stay tuned. Shabbat Shalom,
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Mixed Messages - Let's find some clarity!
February 2 - Over the past 25 years, I admit to being a mild Oprah fan. I watched many shows, not all, and mostly over the past few years. I do admire what Oprah has done for the empowerment of women and at the same time I realize that her show was also a daily reminder of what was wrong with me and how I need to improve. In order for her show to be truly successful, it fed on our insecurities. So, what if Oprah had said, "I think you are perfect just the way you are. You don't need my help." I believe there are many shows and other media that send us mixed messages.
Many things and people have inspired me over the past few months. One of the most significant documentaries I have seen is "Miss Representation" (which I saw on OWN), I was blown away by how men and women are so critical of women in a different way than they are of men. And as women, we let it happen. At first, I was outraged and thought, for my daugther and son, we will change our television watching habits and then I realized that for my own health and well being, I needed to stop watching shows that are condescending to women - it leaves me with few options. In my search throughout this year, I hope to find positive examples for my kids (and for me).
Thanks for listening and stay tuned.
Many things and people have inspired me over the past few months. One of the most significant documentaries I have seen is "Miss Representation" (which I saw on OWN), I was blown away by how men and women are so critical of women in a different way than they are of men. And as women, we let it happen. At first, I was outraged and thought, for my daugther and son, we will change our television watching habits and then I realized that for my own health and well being, I needed to stop watching shows that are condescending to women - it leaves me with few options. In my search throughout this year, I hope to find positive examples for my kids (and for me).
Thanks for listening and stay tuned.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Feb 1 - My birthday month begins
February 1 - In 17 days I will be 49. When I look in the mirror, I try to see if that is what I thought 49 would look like. Externally, I obviously look different than when I was younger, and internally, I am constantly reviewing a list of moments in time that now feel different. Am I so old that the feelings from the memories simply fade? I look back at my childhood and young adult life and try to remember what I felt at the party, why I let him speak to me that way, or how I thought I was wrong about her.
What I do feel is a new strength, power, desire to do something big. What that something is - I am not sure, but in the past few weeks, I have been meditating, studying torah text, and learning tennis again. The meditation and torah text go hand in hand and I am loving it. It feels good to observe Shabbat in this way. The tennis gives me a great reason to smack a ball and release some of the week's frustrations. I didn't realize when I started both at the same time, what a wonderful complement these two activities were to each other. Both are helping to give me greater clarity as I embark on this journey to 50!
Thanks for listening. Tune in tomorrow.
What I do feel is a new strength, power, desire to do something big. What that something is - I am not sure, but in the past few weeks, I have been meditating, studying torah text, and learning tennis again. The meditation and torah text go hand in hand and I am loving it. It feels good to observe Shabbat in this way. The tennis gives me a great reason to smack a ball and release some of the week's frustrations. I didn't realize when I started both at the same time, what a wonderful complement these two activities were to each other. Both are helping to give me greater clarity as I embark on this journey to 50!
Thanks for listening. Tune in tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Upcoming birthday blog - stay tuned!
I am approaching my 49th birthday and so begins the countdown to 50! Immediately I think that I am not as scared as I thought I might be. At times I am giddy thinking about the power of it. In honor of this momentous birthday, I am gifting to myself the opportunity to write my celebratory blog. Though my birthday is February 18th, I am ready to begin. So look out for the theme of my blog to be 365+ DAYS TO 50!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Fundraising Is Like Weaving A Quilt
Fundraising is like weaving a quilt…
By Lori Tessel, 12-11-11
Working in the Jewish community is an extraordinary experience. While working with donors, I learn about their interests and passions. I realize that like a quilt, each family has memories and life lessons that are woven together so that their decisions fall directly in line with their experiences. For young fundraisers, below is an easy way to get to learn the most about a donor and to build a long lasting trust.
Questions – Asking the right questions are critical to every conversation and will help guide the conversation to create the best solicitation to fulfill the donor’s philanthropic goals. One must remember that questions should help you build a relationship with donors and in time the donor will trust you with many philanthropic decisions including leadership opportunities, financial decisions and general organizational inquiries. These questions along with the donors’ answers essentially create the fabric blocks of their quilt and are the foundation for all that you do with any donor.
Unique – Remember that we are all individuals with different experiences that shape our opinions, passions, and interests. Choosing questions that allow a donor to open their heart to you will make the entire process enjoyable for both you and the donor. There are always the standard questions: What was your most pivotal Jewish experience? Who has made the most impact on your life? And then there are some difficult conversations: Have you ever experienced a tragedy? What are your thoughts on Israel? Do you and your spouse have conflicting opinions? These are all important questions to help you see how a donor articulates their experiences.
Investigate – Learn as much as you can before you meet with a donor. Knowing the information helps you form the best and appropriate questions. It is important to know several key elements about a person before you meet with them: personal information, company information, other philanthropic interests, political contributions and social connections.
Listen – When you listen carefully, you are able to weave all the information together and continue to ask additional questions. Over time, as you hear the donor share their thoughts and passions, watch their families grow, share their ups and downs, you will become part of their living quilt. As you give them positive philanthropic experiences and help foster their own philanthropic goals, you become their partner. They will look to you for guidance about your organization as well as others. As you move to other organizations, they may or may not support your new organization. This is another vital piece of information.
Timing – With all of this information you gather and the relationship you are building with your donors, you must know the best time to make the ask. Is it good timing for them financially, are others involved in their decision-making, will you need their leadership as well, or will this significant gift be tied to an event or campaign? Regardless of the size of the ask, you need to feel confident and understand as much as you can about the donor. The best way to know if the timing is right is to let the donor know that you are coming to speak to them about a gift to the organization. Be truthful, don’t ever surprise a donor with a solicitation.
Smile – Be confident. Enjoy the work. As a fundraiser, you are doing special work that many people are uncomfortable doing. You are asking people to give money to help those in need; don’t ever be ashamed of this. You are the voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. Be proud and speak from your heart. As you do, you will enhance the lives of so many and these donors’ “quilts” of information will help you to do what is best for both the donors’ and the community.
By Lori Tessel, 12-11-11
Working in the Jewish community is an extraordinary experience. While working with donors, I learn about their interests and passions. I realize that like a quilt, each family has memories and life lessons that are woven together so that their decisions fall directly in line with their experiences. For young fundraisers, below is an easy way to get to learn the most about a donor and to build a long lasting trust.
Questions – Asking the right questions are critical to every conversation and will help guide the conversation to create the best solicitation to fulfill the donor’s philanthropic goals. One must remember that questions should help you build a relationship with donors and in time the donor will trust you with many philanthropic decisions including leadership opportunities, financial decisions and general organizational inquiries. These questions along with the donors’ answers essentially create the fabric blocks of their quilt and are the foundation for all that you do with any donor.
Unique – Remember that we are all individuals with different experiences that shape our opinions, passions, and interests. Choosing questions that allow a donor to open their heart to you will make the entire process enjoyable for both you and the donor. There are always the standard questions: What was your most pivotal Jewish experience? Who has made the most impact on your life? And then there are some difficult conversations: Have you ever experienced a tragedy? What are your thoughts on Israel? Do you and your spouse have conflicting opinions? These are all important questions to help you see how a donor articulates their experiences.
Investigate – Learn as much as you can before you meet with a donor. Knowing the information helps you form the best and appropriate questions. It is important to know several key elements about a person before you meet with them: personal information, company information, other philanthropic interests, political contributions and social connections.
Listen – When you listen carefully, you are able to weave all the information together and continue to ask additional questions. Over time, as you hear the donor share their thoughts and passions, watch their families grow, share their ups and downs, you will become part of their living quilt. As you give them positive philanthropic experiences and help foster their own philanthropic goals, you become their partner. They will look to you for guidance about your organization as well as others. As you move to other organizations, they may or may not support your new organization. This is another vital piece of information.
Timing – With all of this information you gather and the relationship you are building with your donors, you must know the best time to make the ask. Is it good timing for them financially, are others involved in their decision-making, will you need their leadership as well, or will this significant gift be tied to an event or campaign? Regardless of the size of the ask, you need to feel confident and understand as much as you can about the donor. The best way to know if the timing is right is to let the donor know that you are coming to speak to them about a gift to the organization. Be truthful, don’t ever surprise a donor with a solicitation.
Smile – Be confident. Enjoy the work. As a fundraiser, you are doing special work that many people are uncomfortable doing. You are asking people to give money to help those in need; don’t ever be ashamed of this. You are the voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. Be proud and speak from your heart. As you do, you will enhance the lives of so many and these donors’ “quilts” of information will help you to do what is best for both the donors’ and the community.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)